Behind the Scenes
by Max Knight
Summary: What happens behind the scenes of our favourite characters directed by the Knights of the Square Table? Cameos from other anime and games. Self-Insertion. Rated M for language and character deaths.


Disclaimer : I don't own Naruto....wait...I DON'T??? OMFG!! NUUUU!!!

Behind the scenes Naruto

A/N : Okay folks, this is a spam fic made by me when I was on a sugar rush, don't ask, just enjoy the ride. The OC are my friends from real life and the other Knights of the Square Table.

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"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!!"

"Cut ! Okay people that's a rap." Peter wiped his brow and took a sip from his Mochacino. "Kuzo ! Where's that kid, get that guy to clean up that set, we still need it for the next episode."

Naruto smirked as waves of girls surrounded him asking for an autograph, he eased his way through the crowd and smiled as he started signing on their autograph books, "Now easy there ladies, there's plenty of Naruto for everyone." he winked at a blonde and she nearly fainted.

"Heh, you think you can actually pull a Kage Bunshin? What a lamer." it was Sasuke standing there sneering at him.

"Yeah well, I can kick yer arse without lifting a finger, get lost Sasuke, no body really likes you." retorted Naruto as the girls gigled.

"Prepare to die bastard!" Sasuke screamed and ran towards Naruto, who just snapped his fingers.

Out from the side a muscled man in a black Italian suit held Sasuke by the collar," What shall I do with him Mr. Uzumaki?"

"Throw him in the bath, it'll help cool him off. Ya hear that Sasuke? I'm actually helping you to cool off." Naruto smirked as the bodyguard, known as Daniel carried Sasuke to the Bath Scene, "With pleasure...."

"NOOOO !!" screamed the raven haired child star.

Orochimaru stood there fidgiting as he waited for...

"Oro-chan, there you are!" a voice alerted him and he smiled, it was Anko.

"Ah, take off those contacts, you look like a weirdo. It's bad enough that we don't have any scenes together except that forest part..." she kissed him on the cheeks and the famed snake sannin blushed (OMFG HE BLUSHED!!!)

"A-a-a-re t-th-the s-s-s-na-snakes in the b-box?" he muttered.

Anko rolled her eyes and rubbed his back, "There there Oro-chan, they're all made of rubber."

"B-b-but so r-real..."

"Well you got'ta thank the animators."

"Well, since they're no longer there, shall we?" Orochimaru stopped shaking and took Anko by the hand and they started walking towards the canteen.

"Now there's my Oro-chan." she leaned on him.

Jiraiya said a prayer and walked away from the group, he was clad in a shinto garb and nodded at the group of people who were wanting his autographs, " Amibatha, I am but a priest, I do not actually write the Icha Icha Paradise, it is just a prop, seriously, I'm just doing this for a friend of mine." he sighed and walked away as the crowd 'awed' sadly.

People started to go over the left side of the set as Kakashi walked out, everyone wanting to see his face, they were ward off by Daniel's big form," Sorry ladies, Mr. Hatake doesn't need this right now, he's really busy."

"It's alright Mr Daniel, let them through, I think I can spare a few moments of my time." it was Asuma that said this however, needless to say, no one went near him.

"Ah~~ these bandages are too tight...can anyone help me to take them off?"

"OH! It's the famous actress Kurenai-sama! Let me help you with it!" yelled a guy from the stands.

"No you don't, me, I'll help you!"

"Get back in line, I was here first!"

As the guys were arguing, a young man in a black jacket walked towards Kurenai and helped her take off her costume (?)

"Ah thank you Kuzo-san, I owe you one." she gave the young man a wink and headed towards the dressing room.

"No prob."

"HEY KUZO! Stop harassing the actors and actresses and get back to work! I told you to clean the set not flirt around!" Peter yelled through the director's cone from his seat.

"EEK! Get this thing off me!" screamed a certain pink haired actress while flinging an octopus away. Said octopus landed on Peter's lap, he stared dumbly at the 'thing' in his lap and proceeded to fling it away from him, "Where the fuck did this come from pinky?"

"My name is NOT Pinky, and if your security was better, that ...that thing wouldn't have snuck into my room!" yelled Sakura.

"Your room? Why the hell would that thing want anything from your room? You're flat!" Ino grinned behind her.

"Well if it isn't the blond wonder, you're not even up for the next few episodes, what the hell are you here again?"

"Hey I can come and go as I want to, and besides, why should YOU have more screen time than me? I'm more beautiful and sexy as you could ever dream to be."

"Can you two just shut up? I need to get to the next scene! KUZO!!!" yelled the distraught director.

"He's probably in my sister's room." said a voice beside Peter, who looked down and spotted Hanabi, "Oh...um...ok, thanks I guess...Tell your elder sister that,"

"I don't have an elder sister; I AM the eldest in the family."

"....Right, please tell your younger sister to send Kuzo here."

"But I'll miss my prime time anime show." replied the girl who proceeded to take off her white contacts.

"....Then why are you even here?"

"Oh, I heard that they are shooting Scrapped Princess The Lost Island around here and thought..."

"Just...just go..." mutter Peter.

-----

"No...No....It's all gone!" a person was almost in the brink of hysterics in a small room littered with papers and notes.

"Who the hell would take it? I left it right here...it WAS here a minute ago..."

A knock on the door.

"Could it be that I left it in the toilet just now?"

Another knock on the door.

"But I remembered I placed it next to my computer..."

More knocking.

"Argh, I should have just put it in my...yeah, maybe it IS in my drawer!"

The door was blasted away sending all the papers flying about, creating an even bigger mess if possible.

*cough cough*

"What the...what happened?? My desk!! It's GONE!!"

"Max, Peter is asking for the script for the next scene, he wonders if you're done with the final edit..." Daniel was standing there with a smoking Bazooka in his hands.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BLAST MY DOOR?"

"I knocked three times."

"I didn't notice."

"Thus the lethal force needed to get your attention. So, the script?"

"That's the thing, it's gone."

"...........Excuse me?"

"Like I said, it's gone."

".........."

".........."

"Gone as in..."

"Gone as in disappear; not in its original location."

"I know what Gone means."

"Then why ask?"

"So where did you last put it?" Daniel was rather impatient by now, he still have to get those prima donnas back in the next scene soon.

"If I knew, then I wouldn't be in this situation now." Max glared at the head of security, "Why are even here? You should be patrolling or something."

"Kuzo is no where to be seen...and my fellow agents are busy with the set." was the curt reply.

"Kuzo? Hmm...well I guess I understand, he needs some time off I guess..."

"Ahem, so about those scripts..."

"Right, I'll just have to write up a new one then."

"Okay, I'll go tell Peter to have everyone take a break then, you have 2 hours."

"Done."

-------------

"WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I WHIP IT OUT AND KILL BOTH OF YOU?" Peter yelled to the two arguing actresses, who kept bickering behind him.

"And you can't possibly make me believe those are REAL. Heck even if they aren't you're apparently too cheap to make then look convincing!"

"Well at least I don't look like I have a circle on my back, what IS that symbol for anyway? Painted so the enemy can have a better chance to get a bull's eye?"

"Oh yeah? Like purple..."

"That's it; I'm whipping it out now." Peter growled.

"Like it could scare us."

*click* BANG BANG

Two shots and the whole studio stared at Peter with his two smoking barrels, "Now that's better."

Everything went back to normal.

Daniel walked towards Peter with his message when he saw the two girls sprawled on the floor with a single bullet hole through their forehead.

"Peter, Max said that he....HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!"

"Heh, with a forehead like that, I can't miss even if I'm a mile away." said the director.

"Good God man, what have you done?"

"Done? Oh yeah, that second shot was a little bit off to the left eh?"

"I mean, you shot Sakura and Ino!"

"Can you please keep it down?"

"You killed two actresses, how are we going to replace 'em?"

"Daniel, can't you just relax? They're anime characters, they don't die."

"....."

"Oh yeah, Anime...not cartoons, dang..."

"So you admit your fault huh?"

"I admit I did the world a service of ridding em, but yeah."

"You really shouldn't feel happy about this."

"I am. You shouldn't have a stick up your ass like..."

"I do Not have a stick up my ass."

"Can't you take a joke?"

"I can take a joke, but killing these two is not a joking matter."

"So you admit you have a stick up your ass?"

"NO!"

"Man you seriously need a sense of humour."

"I have a very good one thank you." glared the head of security.

"Then you better ask for a refund, it's not working."

Daniel sighed, "Look we can argue all we want, but what are going to do with these two bodies? Heck, how are we going to continue the story?"

"Can't we ask Max to re-write the script? I need a break."

Daniel faked a mad face, "Are you insane? Do you know what will that do to us? You can't ask me to ask him to re-write the script!"

Peter bowed his head, "Fine...um...how bout...uh...we find replacements? I bet there are plenty of blond and pink haired girls around."

"I don't know...." Daniel dragged on.

"You're one of his best friends; can't you break it to him nicely?"

Daniel pretended to look troubled but finally gave in, "Alright fine, I'll try my best, you owe me big man."

"Thanks."

------------

"So...I get to have 3 hours? Cool, you're the best Daniel, I owe you one."

"My pleasure."

-----------

"Neji I really need that wig back." pleaded Kuzo.

"B...but...if I give you that wig, I...I'd..."

"Look, we already know what you look like without hair, believe me, EVERYBODY have seen you without it. So stop being a brat and give me that bloody wig."

The Hyuuga actor sighed, "Fine...but I'm only 14."

"Yeah and I'm only 16, tough shit."

He took the wig and started towards the next room.

'TenTen'

"Great, the bondage mistress...oh well."

He knocked on the door and was allowed in. Taking careful steps in the room, his eyes stayed focus in front of him, "Tenten, I'm here for the weapons...um...or should I come some other time?"

Tenten was grinning as Temari,Kin and Tayuya was tied up by her wires, with their respective weapons on or in them, "Ah Kuzo-kun, how nice of you to come here. Don't mind us, the weapons are on the shelves."

"Um...uh...ok..." he tried not to stare at the scene in front of him and started to pick up the weapons.

"Unless...you want to join us?" the weapons user emphasized it by pulling the wire, making the other girls moan and whimper.

"No thanks, I believe I'm needed elsewhere." with that he left the room before Tenten could tangle him with her wires.

------------

"Now....name?"

"Anya."

"Age?"

"No idea...they never gave me an age."

"Uh...ok, you look young enough...any experience in acting?"

"I played a pilot of an elite mecha of an empire, who has been used and have dual personalities."

"Riigghhhtt...so you got the 'Dual personalities' bit down...are you willing to cut your hair?"

"....Do I get paid twice as much?"

"Um...uh..."

"Do I get to?"

"We'll talk about that later...what if I can?"

"I may consider."

"Okay. Thanks for coming then. NEXT!"

"Name?"

"Lacus Clyne."

"Uh...ok, any experience with fighting or battles?"

"Yes, I do believe I was in a series that involves a lot of fights and battles."

"Ookay...are you willing to cut your hair in the future?"

"......"

"Um...Hello?"

"............."

"You can uh...grow it back...oh wait, I believe you'll have short hair for the rest of the...hello? Lacus? Hey, where are you...fuck. NEXT!"

*Sigh*

"Name?"

"Yachiru." said the girl in a sugary cute voice. Peter cringed at the tone.

"Any experience playing roles in previous series?"

"Well I'm still in the Bleach series."

"I see, well won't your show clash with ours? Are you busy?"

"Nah, I don't show up much. Just sitting on the shoulders of some guy with a spiky durian hair."

"Ok...hmm you have the short hair thing already...the only thing left is that your height's a little bit short, how old are you anyway?"

"I'm actually over 300 years old."

"................."

"Hahaha, gotcha, I'm actually younger."

"Thank god, you almost had me there."

"I'm actually 58 years younger, bet you can't tell the difference huh?"

"..............."

"Okay fine, I'm 50 years younger."

"NEXT!!"

-------------

"Ok, name?"

"Chii."

"Age?"

"Chii?"

"Uh...any previous movies?"

"Chii...."

"Uh....is that your ear?"

"Chii!"

"Can you say anything else?"

"Chii, Chi!"

"Okay, please call the next ...uh, never mind, NEXT!"

The door opened and in walked two girls, one with long blonde hair while the other had a short one.

"Uhm...okay, names?"

"Haruka."

"Minako."

"Uh...did any previous roles? I do hope you girls can fight."

The short haired blonde smirked, "I play the role of Sailor Uranus in Sailor Moon, and needless to say, I can beat the crap out of anyone."

"I play..." before Minako could finish, Peter was already stiffling his laughter, "um....Sailor Venus, defender of Love and Justice, also played a more solid role and longer screen time in the series Sailor Moon."

"Ppttff...Uranus..."

"Look, that joke's a loooong time ago. Grow up."

"Right, sorry." Peter wiped a tear from his eyes, "Never gets old though..." he added.

"I heard that." the former actress glared.

"Ok, so any of you would want to wear anything purple?"

The two girls looked at each other and shrugged, "We wore sailor fukus, what can be worse than that?"

"True...hmm but we only need one role, tell you what, I'll call you when I've decided."

"Okay."

"Sounds like a plan."

"NEXT!"

In walked a girl in a black dress, a red scarf and a long white pearl necklace.

"Name?"

"Anna Kyoyama."

"Ah, finally one that has the sense to give me their full name, so did any previous anime?"

"Shaman King, I'm supposed to be the wife of the Shaman King, but stuff happens and now I'm here." replied the girl.

"Oh...okay, so do you do any fight scenes?"

"I don't, I usually order others to my bidding...oh does a slap count?"

"Slap?"

"Yes, I do recall slapping the main villain in an episode, twice I believe." the girl smirked at the memory.

"Um...right, I'll call you if I need you then. NEXT!"

"Hi, I'm Tsukino Usagi, age 16 and I'm Sailor..."

"NEXT! For god's sake NEXT!!!"

-------------

A boy could be seen eating some pizza with a green haired girl by the stands. "Hmm, so you like Pizza huh?" asked the boy. The girl shrugged, "I usually don't eat them much, but the show I'm in made me love the stuff. So you work here?"

"Yeah, I'm the camera man, and since our director killed two of our actresses, I get to have a break."

"I see."

"You don't seem surprised by that?"

"By what?"

"Our director killing people."

"Oh, yeah, I am."

"You don't look it."

"I'm used to seeing vast amount of people being killed, this just seemed...miniscule to me."

"Oh, cool."

"So what's your name Mr. Camera man?"

"Just call me Glen, how bout you, Ms. I've-seen-more-people-being-killed-than-you?"

"Call me C.C. and that wasn't funny."

"Wasn't trying to be."

"Touche."

------------

Back in the sound room. The show's sound manager was arguing with his assistant.

"What do you mean the sound tracks might change? I pre-set the entire thing for the next 8 episodes."

"Well, the thing is, the director killed two of the actresses, so the ending theme will be changed."

"Just change the actress, and I'll over lap the music."

"Uh...well the director said he wanted to re-do the ending."

"Tell him to kiss my ass."

"Um...well I don't think I can do that sir."

"Must I do everything myself?" the man turned to make a call, "Hello, Peter? This is Antarnis, what the hell is wrong with you? Why can't I just use the same theme for the ending?"

"Huh? Because you felt like it? You have ANY idea what will that cost me? Max said so? Really? Well he can kiss my ass. Why don't YOU tell him....fine. Those new actresses better not fuck this up."

-----------

Will Peter ever find the right girls to replace Sakura and Ino?

Will Max make a better script?

What happened to the script?

Will Kuzo finally get a break?

Will Glen eat more cheese?

Will Daniel uh...do what does best?

Will Antarnis make a new Ending theme for the show?

Will I ever shut up and get the next chapter started?

All these will be answered in the next episode of...Behind the Scenes.

TBC....?

(A/N : Well, I had to put all this crap together in one day. Wonder if I can make the second part. Suggestions are welcomed of course. Thanks for all the help from my friends. Please read/review.)


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